The art of letting go
Every day as I go to bed I am aware and thankful to what life has given me. All the experiences, memories, encounters, goodbyes, places, have shaped my personality and the overall human I am today.
Midst the surprises I bump into, some of them will leave bigger impact in who I am. The real lesson is how to deal with them… In the beginning of the year I found a challenge in one of the most confusing days of my life. My mind was not there that day, my heart was shattered in pieces, but my body could not stop moving. I guess it was a defense mechanism. A way to divert my attention from the phone into the meditative state that parkour brings to me.
That challenge was hard… Really hard. When me and Endijs spotted it at the first time we could not believe it was possible. And so far it hasn’t been proven possible to me. I tried for a joke. A sort of masochism. It required the most attention to technique linked with an immense amount of strength. I tried around 20 times, and the closest I got was a “dropkick Double B”(a bounce back that your legs reach the landing spot way before your body and only a miracle would carry your center of mass onto the stick).
I came back to that spot around 5 times in the past 8 months. Every time I would try the same challenge around 20 times. The close calls were similar but I could feel the progress. As I struggled through my mental health to get better after that burnout, my body got stronger and a few times I saw myself very close to unlocking that challenge.
It became an obsession, as my previous obsession with my problems. I looked for fixing the situation instead of being resilient and moving on. Sometimes all it takes is time to see clarity. Distance to have a clear glance on the situation. I looked at my personal life through the eyes of someone hooked on a drug, in spite of getting rid of the destructive addiction, I was looking for more drugs.
My last visit to that infamous challenge was a closing chapter for me. I tried my typical 20 attempts, and even though I was really close from getting it, I had to turn my back to it. I quit.
By doing so, I close that relation that challenge and the dark clouds around my head.
The challenge is still there, I am still here. It stopped being an obsession. It became a story, a lesson. Sometimes things are not meant to happen at the moment you hope they would happen. But all the little ingredients are fermenting in their own places. I am training and becoming a stronger human with experiences like this one. Hopefully one day I can get back there and get it again. But for now it has beat me, and I walk away with my head up knowing that I did the best I could have given at that moment. Parkour is still beautiful and many other challenges will show up in my path. I am willing to take them.